This week, President Trump unveiled his latest infrastructure masterpiece — a bold new plan to build a “Common Sense Wall” around Washington, D.C., designed to keep out “all those pesky facts and inconvenient logic.”
According to the official White House memo, the wall will be “the biggest, most beautiful wall ever built” with “state-of-the-art nonsense detection technology” that automatically blocks anything remotely resembling reason or critical thinking.
In a press conference, Trump proudly declared, “We’re tired of common sense ruining everything. It’s time to make America great again by protecting the capital from all that smart talk. Believe me, it’s going to be yuge.”
The plan includes:
- Hiring a new federal agency called the Department of Alternative Logic, staffed entirely with conspiracy theorists and reality TV personalities.
- Installing “Truth Rejection Sensors” at every entrance, which will immediately eject anyone caught citing peer-reviewed studies.
- Replacing street signs with slogans like “Fake News Free Zone” and “No Facts Beyond This Point.”
Senate Republicans quickly endorsed the plan, with one senator saying, “Finally, a wall we can all agree on—except the liberals, who want everyone to think for themselves.”
Meanwhile, progressives slammed the plan as a “monument to ignorance” and vowed to fight it with every meme, joke, and fact-check they could muster.
As the nation braces for the Common Sense Wall’s completion, critics wonder if anyone inside will be left to govern — or if the only voices heard will be those shouting, “Alternative facts forever!”